How To Stay Calm In A Heated Argument – It’s not easy to stay calm and motivated when things get heated in meetings, discussions or difficult conversations. We’ve all been there. You might say something you later regret, or you might toe the line to prove yourself right, missing the big picture. You may lose confidence in your relationships with colleagues, clients, business partners, or perhaps your spouse or children. In such cases, you may wish you could hit the reset button and do something about it. With so many questions, how can you maintain a lively and constructive conversation?
See where your comments are. Know your own signs when a heated, heated argument goes in the wrong direction. Only you know what is going on inside of you, which indicates that your fight or flight will be triggered. A good sign, says Amy Gallo, author of
How To Stay Calm In A Heated Argument
, “It’s your own behavior that starts to feel threatened. Your heart rate increases, your face may turn red, and your breathing becomes shallow. “Everything changes physically,” Gallo said, “and the danger is that you can’t access the inner brain and it becomes very difficult to be the best.” “
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Rick Juneja, SVP of Customer Success at Opower, leads a team of 145 people responsible for delivering software and services to bus customers. Juneja said: “When something goes wrong, customers expect us to fix the problem quickly, which is not always easy. Stability is important. He encourages his team to not only monitor their behavior, but also to “see how someone is changing. You can go down the opposite path of results if you notice the other person’s weight changing.” , crosses his arms, or starts asking you questions. . If you should feel good, stay in the seat. driver.” “Emotional transmission is real, so when someone is hot, it’s easy to show that behavior and before you know it, two people are moving,” Gallo asserted.
Focus on something concrete to regain focus. Since reactivity has a strong physical nature, bring physical attention to calmness. “First of all, breathe,” Gallo said. “When you breathe well, you can stay in your body and do nothing.” Use the 4-7-8 method for quick results, where you breathe for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, and breathe out for a count of 8. Andrew Weil, physician and author of medical and health books Many health professionals describe this breathing technique as a “natural sedative for the nervous system. Use it when something bad happens before taking action. You can see how Dr. .Weil, and the health benefits, here.
Besides breathing, do something around you and notice the feelings. “Put your hands on the table,” Gallo said. “Place your feet on the floor. See where your feet rest on the chair. The important thing is not to get lost in your head.” You can also “zoom in” by looking at the art on the walls or the size of the room – anything that helps to feel the space you can stop if you start to feel safe or supported above you.
Changing the body makes it easier to restore the mind. Remember that the purpose of the meeting is not to show who is right or wrong or who is the smartest person in the room. Instead, you are there to solve the budget, achieve the best price, deliver a difficult message to them or find a solution together. Don’t get too personal. “Put everything out for a moment and turn into an observer,” says Gallo. “Think of it like watching a baseball game to see what’s going on,” he said. Juneja reposted the post. “The important thing is to keep things running. I go in every day expecting things to go wrong and have difficult conversations – and my job is to help find a good solution.”
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Be compassionate and build bridges. With an unbiased perspective, you can bring empathy to the conversation. Juneja always advises her team: “Let the other person express their concerns. Make sure they are heard and get things off their chest.” Gallo agreed. need to leave. Instead, stop wanting to be nice and move to a stronger place of listening.”
Compassion is not a contract. It’s not the same as giving in, being indifferent, or letting others do you harm. Find out how to take advantage of the emotional space that really helps you. When you let the other person invest, you can also find other important things, ideas and challenges in the game – all important information to close the gap between you and the other person. Here are some examples of bridges that can experience structural damage during hot weather:
So what if your exchange has already happened and you’ve said something you regret or you’ve been so focused on winning that you’ve lost sight of the big picture? The good news is that even in retrospect, we can still live better, refocus, gain compassion, and build bridges. Turn to the other person and decide on something more practical than what you want. Apologize directly for the loss and commit to the relationship. Although we cannot change what happened, we always have the opportunity to reach out, connect with others and show a more constructive and decisive “Take 2”.
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Various Magazines Featured Articles Podcasts Video archive More reviews and videos Selected studies Hidden thoughts about climate change and Brexit are commonplace – but applied science can shake stubborn minds.
Mark Twain wrote: “I know very well that today, often, most often, in matters of religion and politics, the power of reasoning of man is no higher than that of an ape.”
When we wrote a book about our mistakes, I would say that Twain didn’t like monkeys. Whether we’re talking about Trump, Brexit or the Tory leadership, we all come across people who don’t seem to understand what’s going on in the world – but speak with confidence and conviction. And recent psychological research can help us understand why.
See “Deep Delusion”. When asked about the government’s policies and their results, most believe they can explain their achievements in detail. If you are part of the test, however, the meaning is unclear and inconsistent. The problem is mixing the unfamiliar with generalizations for real insight.
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In addition to being much smaller than we think, our knowledge is also very selective: we easily remember things that support our beliefs and forget others. When it comes to understanding the EU, for example, Brexiters will recognize the value of membership, while the rest will mention many benefits. Although the general level of knowledge on both sides is similar, there is no conflict in detail.
It makes no sense to simply ask why people support or oppose a policy. You have to ask how something works to be successful
Politics can also damage our ability to think. Psychological research shows that people do not find fallacy in an argument if the conclusion supports their opinion; but if they see evidence to the contrary, they will be more critical of small holes in the argument. This phenomenon is known as “motor force”.
Higher education does not necessarily protect us from these mistakes. Graduates, for example, often underestimate their understanding of a degree: although they remember the general content, they forget the details. “People confuse their level of knowledge with their level of knowledge,” says professor Matthew Fisher of Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas. This false perception of competence can lead them to feel that they have a license to further limit their views on politics – an attitude known as ‘acquired dogmatism’.
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It’s no wonder that when we talk about politics, we feel like we’re banging our heads against a brick wall—even when we’re talking to people we can respect. Fortunately, recent psychological research provides an evidence-based approach that leads to more debate.
Because of the deep uncertainty, many political ideas will be based
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